Ben was a millionaire before the age of 30. He had a good job with a multi-national company as an executive. He met his former wife Nkechi while she was 25 years old. They met one wet Wednesday morning while he was on his way to work and she was on her way to the university of lagos. She had just gained admission into university. As he drove by, he didn’t take notice of the puddle of rain water in front of him and he ran into it. Water splashed unto Nkechi and wet her clothes. She was about raining curses on the driver of the car before Ben stopped and apologised for the harm he had caused her. He offered to get her some new clothes and he took her to the closest boutique on the street which was open by then. He bought several clothes for her, took her to his place so she could get cleaned up and change. He got her a taxi cab to drop her off at school. They exchanged numbers. Thus began a whirlwind relationship that would end in marriage. Ben was like a God sent angel to Nkechi’s family. He met her families needs. He was such a generous in-law.

After his wife graduated from university and did her youth service, Ben set up a logistics business for his wife. With his contacts he helped her in getting clients who did good business with the young company.

Unfortunately, the multi-national company Ben worked with started experiencing financial problems in the international market. They had to retrench some staff. Ben was among those who got retrenched. Ben tried leaning back on the business his wife Nkechi was operating. His wife refused vehemently.

Meanwhile, his wife’s junior sister, Chioma, had been living with them all these years. She was a young naive graduate, who reluctantly ran errands in the house. When Ben and Nkechi were constantly fighting over the business, Chioma sided her brother in law and tried pleading with her elder sister to see reason with her husband. But Nkechi would have none of that and threatened to send Chioma back to their parents house. Ben’s in laws tried to persuade their daughter too, but she would have none of it. Unknowingly, Nkechi was having an affair with her manager. One unfortunate day, she took her belongings and three kids she had with Ben, and walked out of the marriage.

Ben had returned to meet an empty house and his sister in law who tried explaining the unfortunate event to him. It was a  heart breaking experience for Ben. Chioma did all she could to console him but Ben was inconsolable. Days passed into weeks, weeks into months. Chioma tried to leave the house so as not to be a burden to Ben but he insisted that she stayed. Her family encouraged her to stay. That naive and reluctant sister in law took care of Ben and the house. She cooked, cleaned and washed. As God would have it she got a very good job and good payment with it. Even when Ben went bankrupt, she still helped out in taking care of their needs. She even gave him pocket money so that he could take care of his needs.

Ben was lucky to get a new job with better entitlements from his last job. And to show his gratitude, he took Chioma out on an expensive and exclusive date to show his gratitude for all she did for him. One thing led to another and he kissed her. They drove back home late in the night and as Chioma made for her room, he grabbed her arm and looked deeply into her eyes. Her eyes were pleading with Ben not to but he just couldn’t resist her. He took her into his arms and with their bodies clinging into each other, they kissed in a deep wet kiss. He carried her on his arms while her hands and head rested on his chests and neck respectively into his room and he made love to her until the wee hours of the morning.

Ben has proposed to Chioma. His estranged wife Nkechi wants to come back. He didn’t divorce Nkechi. Ben is still hell bent on marrying Chioma who is already pregnant for him. His in laws support him. Nkechi is using Ben’s family to win her husband back but most of them support Ben.

Now the big question, if you were in Ben’s shoes, what would you do? Stay with your sister in law who stood by your side when you had no one or go back to your wife who abandoned you when you needed her the most?



infidelity is gross!

infidelity is gross!

Men cheat on their women because they want to!  It all boils down to sex. Men do not view sex the same way women do. Women view sexual intercourse as an emotion……..an act of love. That’s understandable, considering the fact that you have to lie back and allow a foreign body to enter your body. You have been taught all your life that you only let that kind of deeply intimate moment happen with someone who really means something to you. Men don’t think that way. It’s very easy for a man to have sex, go home, wash it off with soap and water and act like what he just did never happened. Sex can be a purely physical act for us and love has nothing to do with it.

A man can love his wife, his children, his home and the life that they have all built together and have an incredible physical connection to her and still get some sex from another woman without a second thought about it, because sex with the “other” woman, meant nothing to him. He might have felt good at the moment but his heart is with his wife.

Men love sex. All men love sex. Even priests who have professed celibacy, with their manhood’s are still intact. But when a woman denies her man sex, her man will definitely go out to have “some”. You might be tired from work and expect the man to understand that you are tired and keep off from you, especially when you have to do the cooking, feed the family and do the dishes and he comes honking next to you with his erect penis, asking for “some” and you shuuuu him off. He will try to feel better immediately and he will look for that woman that will give him what he wants, if he can’t get it from you.

Most men will cheat on you if he thinks he can get away with it and do everything to make sure you don’t know that he is cheating on you. The man, who doesn’t really care a damn about you, will make sure you know and dare you in your face. Men are defined by who they are what they do and how much we make and if they haven’t gotten to where they want to be, being committed to a woman is completely out of the question. A man might also be married and committed to a woman and have a family and as long as he isn’t right with God, he will cheat on his wife. Being right with God will establish that moral code that will keep him to his wife. As long as that moral code isn’t there, he will be tempted and he will fall.

A man will cheat on his woman, when he discovers that the spark that brought them together is no longer there. Women change when children come along but I don’t think that is necessary. Even when the kids come you don’t need to stop living your life. If you are always protective of your kids, they will become dependent. You don’t need to take of your kids and forget to buy a roll on or perfume, or new clothes and shoes, or have dinner in a fancy restaurant with your man. You need to spice your relationship every second, every minute, ever hour and every day. I am not just talking about the ladies here. Men do neglect themselves too. When the spark is gone, couples tend to cheat on each other.

If there is a lot of argument in the house too, that spark can disappear also. I know a well to do family man who spends most of his time outside the house because his wife never gives him a breathing space at home. He spends time with the guys and you know when some irresponsible men are together, they tend to be adventurous and they can persuade your man to go “have some fun”!

Lastly and very importantly, men will always cheat on their women because the “other” woman is always willing to cheat with him. Men can cheat because there are so many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them. Some women don’t know that the man they are sleeping with is married but majority of them know.

The greatest mistake a woman will ever do is to confront the “other” woman. The moment you do that, you have lost your self-prestige in the eyes of your man. Do you want to get even with your man? You can simply do this by setting a standard with him. You can either walk out of the relationship or marriage or forgive him and stay in the relationship/marriage and warn him seriously that if it happens again you walk out the door. But you need to set these standards before you enter into the relationship/marriage. When you walk out of the relationship with the kids, he will feel miserable. Some irresponsible men, would hurt you if you do that. Some men will be genuinely miserable and do everything to win you back.

Finally, never fight or confront your man or the “other” woman if you know he cheated on you. Just walk out on him. You have a lot in your life to deal with a man who is unfaithful to you.


I don’t know why women complain about the men in their lives so much these days. In fact the major conversation among young women these days is about the men in their lives. They want to have all the juicy details of how men treat their friends for gossips sake. They even seek for advice from their friends and this damages their relationship with the men in their lives.

the game

If a woman or girl complains about the man in her life, you are the problem. The way you let the man come unto you determines how he would treat you. Don’t hate the player, hate the game! When a man approaches you, you are the one with total control over the situation. It is you who would decide if you are going to give the man any of the things he wants from you, including sex. Yes! Men are sexually attracted to women as soon as they see them. Where you stand in a man’s eyes is dictated by your control over the situation. Every word you say, every move you make, every signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he should try to play you, be straight with you

Let me show you how you might have met the man of your dream or someone who is just playing with you.

  1. If his conversation with you is not often serious, he doesn’t take you serious but if he seems interested in your needs, life, desires and future, he is serious with you.
  2. If he is willing to abide by your rules and follows them he is serious with you but if he laughs off your requirements and standards, then he is not serious with you.
  3. If he asks for your number and calls you after a week, he isn’t serious with you. If he instead calls you immediately, he is showing that he is genuinely interested in you.
  4. If a man takes you out on a date and pays the bill, he is showing that he is willing to provide for you, which means that he is serious with you. If not, please run!
  5. If he keeps to appointments with you, he takes you serious. If he doesn’t and he doesn’t even call or text you to let you know the reason why he can’t keep up with the appointment, he isn’t serious with you.
  6. If he introduces you to his friends, family, co-workers (very dangerous, because some insincere friends of his would want to make out with you!), or other people, he is serious with you. If he doesn’t introduce you to his people, he isn’t serious with you.
  7. If you invite him to come see your parents and other family members or your friends and he doesn’t waste time in doing so, he is serious with you but if he gives you excuses from time to time why he can’t, please he isn’t serious with you (I have fallen short of this).
  8. If he makes a face when you tell him that you have children, he isn’t serious with you. But if he is willing to meet them and shows up with gifts for your kids and relates with them in a way that makes your children comfortable with him, he is serious with you.
  9. If he is financially okay and is able to provide for his needs, then you can take him serious. If he isn’t maybe you can give him time to pick himself up but if he doesn’t, you know what to do.
  10. If your man is okay with you seeing other men and he sees other women, a situation you two have an “open” relationship, he is not serious with you. If he insists on having an “exclusive” relationship, were the two of you only date each other, he is very serious with you.


a man checking out some ladies

a man checking out some ladies

Imagine this scenario. You are in a bar and having a drink with your girls, when the hottest guy in the room walks up to your table. As he approaches, you and your girls lose your breath and you all excited and he asks if he could speak to you. Some of your girls are disappointed and some jealous at that moment, while some are happy for you and lead you on. You stand up and move to another table with this new guy and you guys start a conversation. What do you think he wants to do with you at that very moment? Let me tell you the truth and nothing but a truth. When a man approaches you, he has a plan. And the main plan in his head is to sleep with you or to find out what it takes to sleep with you.

I’m also guilty as charged! Yeah!! If I see a woman I like, I am sexually attracted to her. It’s all about the sex sister. Men are simple beings. If we like what we see, we will do everything to get it. If we don’t, we are walking away. We always want something. And when it comes to women, we want to find out if the lady is willing to sleep with us and if she is, we would also want to know how much it would cost to get you into our bed!

They say that the way you make your bed is the way you lay on it. The way you present yourself to a man determines if he would sleep with you or keep you. If you dress like a slut, he will treat you as a slut. If you dress like a gentle and responsible lady, he will treat you with respect and move cautiously, else he gets his butt whooped! Apologies for the porn.

In my next article I’ll let you know if he wants to get down with you or if he sees you as a keeper. Ladies you got to pay me for this you know! Please share this story with your other friends.


a man loving up his woman

a man loving up his woman

Men are different from women. Men a simple creatures. It doesn’t take much to make a man happy. A man basically needs three things from his woman which are support, loyalty and sex!


Men need to feel important even when they are not. Things are hard these days. There are a few resources for so many people and competition is high out there. When a man comes home he expects his woman, wife or girlfriend to encourage him even if he doesn’t bring home the bread. But most women theses days will complain about the little their men gives them because they want to be better than their friends. A woman who appreciates the little her man gives her, will eventually get more from him when the going gets good. When the man discovers that his woman appreciates the little he gives her and makes him feel good about it, even if the item is little, he will do more to give her more and show his appreciation and love. Men are proud. So ladies, if the little your man is not enough, make him feel good. If he gives you N1,000 when you need N3,000, appreciate him and let him know how grateful you are. Believe you me, he will make show he gives you more than the remaining money the next day before he allows you to look for another man to give it to you.


A man needs his woman to be loyal to him and only him. Women also need their men to be loyal to them but you see, our loyalty is different from yours. A woman won’t take it likely when her man cheats on her. Some men cheat on their women because the other woman has more money but the main reason a man cheats on his woman is sex. Women cheat on men because the man might not or in fact can not meet their needs and then they go after they go after men who can. A woman can also be with a man who is wealthy but will cheat on him if he can not sexually satisfy her. More than 70 percent of women will cheat on their men if they are not well to do. Only 30 percent of women would cheat on their men if they are not sexually satisfied by their men. So we need a woman who will not abandon us even if we are broke or not well hung like mandigo or king kong.

  • SEX.

All men like sex. Even priests! Any man who says sex is not important in a relationship, is a god damn liar. Sex might not be important to you women because you think the man wants to take you for a ride but it is really important. Sex is important to women too but again it is not the same way it is to men as it is to women. We want sex most of the time, while women want it from a guy who might be well hung or a man who can hit their g-spot like crazy and make them cum and cum every damn minute. Some women deny their men sex because they might have had a hard day at work and home. Don’t deny your man sex, he might foolishly look for another woman who would give it to him immediately. And if you are a man that does this kind of thing, stop it and help your woman in doing her chores and she will be more than willing to give it to you. Sex is a spiritual thing and I don’t mean it in a religious way. It is the best way to bond with a man or woman.

So if you are a woman and you desire a man, you need to give him these three things and if you don’t, believe you me, he will leave you for another woman. If a woman gives me these three things, especially when I come back from a hard days work which might not be so fruitful, I will be ready to go out there and fight the most difficult battles until I win.


Guys if you really want to capture lady’s heart and you are finding it difficult to do so, you need to learn what a woman needs from her man. Women need only four types of men in their lives. Yeah I said 4. The need a man who can be their father, servant, gossip partner and sex machine all at once. If you are a man and you want to keep that girl or improve your relationship with your wife, you better start learning how to be all the four men I just listed.


father and duaghter

father and duaghter

Ever noticed how girls are closely attached to their fathers? Most girls have a strong relationship with their fathers more than their mothers. I don’t know why but I know so. I am not saying that they do not have any relationship with their mothers. They do in fact have strong relationships with their mothers but it is stronger with their fathers. A father protects his family and more so, the females in his household. Boys are always taught to be strong and be protective of their kind. All fathers will protect their daughters and get them any thing they ask for as long as they can afford it. They treat their girls as princesses. So a woman is looking for a man who can be her lover and father at once. Someone who can provide for her and protect her. So if you are a man and you have not been able to do this, it’s important you learn how to do so. She will love you indefinitely.


man doing the dishes

man doing the dishes

Some man do not like helping out in taking care of the house. They leave everything for the woman to do. The woman will clean the house, wash the dishes and do the laundry. She will also go shopping while her man will just sit down and watch her serve him. She will cook for him and serve him his meal. The days we did that has passed. If you are a man, you need to assist your wife in house chores. There are days she might come back into the house tired and weak and you will still expect her to do the dishes, cook for you and wash your clothes. Mennnnnnn…………………………if you are doing this you need to stop it immediately. If you assist your wife in doing the chores, she will love you. If you get your kids to assist in doing the house chores rather than hiring a house help, your kids will grow up to be more responsible.


man chatting with woman

man chatting with woman

Ever noticed that women love talking about irrelevant things that don’t bother us. They talk about fashion, nollywood movies, men, their girlfriends, and anything under the sun. I can tell you the truth, I don’t know how to put up with that. But it is important you try your best to pay attention to her at all times even when you don’t want to because if you don’t, she will go out and look for her girlfriends to chat with or even meet another man who will pay attention to her and we all know what that could lead to.


mandigo (stud) man

mandigo (stud) man

Yes, she needs a man who can give it to her like its hot. A man who can tickle her fancy. A man who can stimulate her g-spot like no other man can. A man who can make her be eager for more sexual satisfaction. If you can’t do this you need to learn how to. I know several men who have lost their relationships because they could not satisfy their women sexually. Let me tell you the truth, this one hurts more, when a woman tells you, “you’re not man enough!” A woman is ready to be with you come rain, come shine, even if you are so poor, as long as you can do the do-do! So learn. Some girls like it hot and rough. Some girls like it soft and long and then hot. You need to be patient and learn how to satisfy your woman sexually. Don’t be a “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am!” dude. Be a god damn mandingo (stud).


Cheta Okorafor.


Being intimate without sex is very possible. All it takes is sacrifice!

Being intimate without sex is very possible. All it takes is sacrifice!

We have treated the first part of how to be intimate without sex. This is a follow up article of the first part of the same topic. Sorry I took long to write this.

Part 2: Having Fun Together

a.Make a date of watching the sky.

coupl star gazing

Whether you’re watching a sunset, sunrise, or creating your own constellations as you stargaze together, getting outside and looking up at the sky is a great way for the two of you to bond and become more intimate. This kind of activity gives you lots of time for talking and bonding on a level that might even be more intimate than sex alone, which makes it a great alternative to sex.

For example, make a date of stargazing. Watch a couple of your favorite movies together to help you stay up, and then take some tasty snacks, a couple of warm drinks, and some music out to a place where you can get a great look at the night sky. Lay out on a blanket together and come up with your own constellations and stories to go with them as you enjoy whatever you brought with you.
b.Look at pictures together.

Looking at pictures of your childhood and the people that were important to you is a very intimate act. When you discuss the things that mattered to you and the events and people that led you to become who you are, you reveal a lot of vulnerabilities to your partner. Showing your weaknesses in an inherently intimate act, that is emotionally significant for the exact same reasons that sex is, making this a great alternative or supplement to a more physical relationship.

c.Exercise together.


Exercising together also puts you in a vulnerable position…except that exercising is sort of a special case, because it’s sexy (sexier than you think!) and vulnerable at the same time. Exercise makes our bodies mimic the physical appearance of sex, making you look sexy to your partner when you work out even if you feel really gross (never mind the fact that studies have shown that the smell of fresh sweat is very attractive . However, both you and your partner will realize that it might be an opportunity to see flaws in each other, and that vulnerability also makes exercising together a really intimate act.
If you want to give this a try to you want to make it as sexy as possible, try going for a swim together at a local pool. Challenge each other to see who can swim the fastest from one side of the pool to the other.
If you don’t know how to introduce the idea of exercising together to your partner, or you’re worried they might take it the wrong way, try saying something like, “I want to start going to the gym but I get really lonely and bored and then I stop going. Would you be willing to also start going so that I have some sexy company?”

d. Do an art project together.

When you ask most people about sexy art projects, most people will think of that scene from Ghost but the history of creating art as an intimate act goes back a lot further than Patrick Swayze’s borderline-mullet. Creating a piece of art is like making a child and when you do it right, it reveals a lot about your soul and who you are as a person.
For example, you can work together to create two paintings: one that you can put above your bed and one that your partner can put above theirs. This way you feel like you have something of them that you can look at as you fall asleep.
Another option would be to save up a year’s worth of date receipts, movie stubs, photographs, and other paper ephemera and then decoupage them into an artistic journal cover. You can then trade the journal back and forth, writing about your personal thoughts about each date you go on, writing each other poetry, or even just writing each other letters in the journal.

e. Read a book together.

couple reading

I love this because I love reading. Reading a book together is a great way to bond, feel physically close, and get intimate in a way that goes beyond sex. We’re not just talking about reading a book at the same time here either (although you can totally do that!). Sit down together, wrapped up in each other’s arms, and take turns reading a chapter or a page aloud. If you’re not the best out-loud readers, you can also read the page silently and then signal when you’re ready for a page turn. With the right book, i.e. one you both really like, this is a very intimate activity and it gives you a lot to talk about later.
This intimate activity can be preceded by another one: going to a bookstore together. Go shopping together to find a book that you both think sounds great.
Don’t feel limited to books either. While a whole, traditional book will give you many opportunities to do this activity (because it’s long), you can also read things like comics and graphic novels. These are shorter and might work as a better introductory experience.