I AM IN LOVE WITH MY SISTER IN LAW.

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Ben was a millionaire before the age of 30. He had a good job with a multi-national company as an executive. He met his former wife Nkechi while she was 25 years old. They met one wet Wednesday morning while he was on his way to work and she was on her way to the university of lagos. She had just gained admission into university. As he drove by, he didn’t take notice of the puddle of rain water in front of him and he ran into it. Water splashed unto Nkechi and wet her clothes. She was about raining curses on the driver of the car before Ben stopped and apologised for the harm he had caused her. He offered to get her some new clothes and he took her to the closest boutique on the street which was open by then. He bought several clothes for her, took her to his place so she could get cleaned up and change. He got her a taxi cab to drop her off at school. They exchanged numbers. Thus began a whirlwind relationship that would end in marriage. Ben was like a God sent angel to Nkechi’s family. He met her families needs. He was such a generous in-law.

After his wife graduated from university and did her youth service, Ben set up a logistics business for his wife. With his contacts he helped her in getting clients who did good business with the young company.

Unfortunately, the multi-national company Ben worked with started experiencing financial problems in the international market. They had to retrench some staff. Ben was among those who got retrenched. Ben tried leaning back on the business his wife Nkechi was operating. His wife refused vehemently.

Meanwhile, his wife’s junior sister, Chioma, had been living with them all these years. She was a young naive graduate, who reluctantly ran errands in the house. When Ben and Nkechi were constantly fighting over the business, Chioma sided her brother in law and tried pleading with her elder sister to see reason with her husband. But Nkechi would have none of that and threatened to send Chioma back to their parents house. Ben’s in laws tried to persuade their daughter too, but she would have none of it. Unknowingly, Nkechi was having an affair with her manager. One unfortunate day, she took her belongings and three kids she had with Ben, and walked out of the marriage.

Ben had returned to meet an empty house and his sister in law who tried explaining the unfortunate event to him. It was a  heart breaking experience for Ben. Chioma did all she could to console him but Ben was inconsolable. Days passed into weeks, weeks into months. Chioma tried to leave the house so as not to be a burden to Ben but he insisted that she stayed. Her family encouraged her to stay. That naive and reluctant sister in law took care of Ben and the house. She cooked, cleaned and washed. As God would have it she got a very good job and good payment with it. Even when Ben went bankrupt, she still helped out in taking care of their needs. She even gave him pocket money so that he could take care of his needs.

Ben was lucky to get a new job with better entitlements from his last job. And to show his gratitude, he took Chioma out on an expensive and exclusive date to show his gratitude for all she did for him. One thing led to another and he kissed her. They drove back home late in the night and as Chioma made for her room, he grabbed her arm and looked deeply into her eyes. Her eyes were pleading with Ben not to but he just couldn’t resist her. He took her into his arms and with their bodies clinging into each other, they kissed in a deep wet kiss. He carried her on his arms while her hands and head rested on his chests and neck respectively into his room and he made love to her until the wee hours of the morning.

Ben has proposed to Chioma. His estranged wife Nkechi wants to come back. He didn’t divorce Nkechi. Ben is still hell bent on marrying Chioma who is already pregnant for him. His in laws support him. Nkechi is using Ben’s family to win her husband back but most of them support Ben.

Now the big question, if you were in Ben’s shoes, what would you do? Stay with your sister in law who stood by your side when you had no one or go back to your wife who abandoned you when you needed her the most?

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RUNAWAY BRIDE: LOVE, SELFISHNESS AND INSECURITY.

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Runaway bride was the title to the 1999 movie starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. In that movie the bride ran away from the grooms because she was scared of the future. Scared of getting pregnant, giving birth, raising the kids, being a mum, economic and financial insecurity and growing old. All she needed was a man who would make her understand that everything was gonna be just fine.

Fast forward to 2016 and you have a new movie being played in real life in Eket, Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria, West Africa. A bride runs away from her wedding with her husband to be, hot on her heels. She decided to run away from the wedding because she didn’t see guests from Chevron were her husband to be claims he works with. This is funny. Both couples are insincere to themselves.

Why would the groom lie about his background to a woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with? If he eventually marries her, he will keep in lying to her.

Then the bride. Why is she only interested in marrying a man who is financially loaded to secure her future? Does it mean she doesn’t want to suffer in her matrimonial home? How can she be so blind as not to discover that he was lying to her. How can he also not know she only loved him for what he could offer her at the moment.

This is what we suffer in the world today. Relationships have become materialistic and selfish. Ladies are more interested in marrying fully loaded guys while men are only interested in being in a relationship were the lady can meet their sexual needs. Girls want to marry a man who has a car, lives in a three bedroom flat and who haves dstv cable so that they can be watching Africa movie channel with their friends and show them how they have upgraded.

My advice to wanna be couples, if you can’t be of any importance to your partners life, get the hell out of the relationship and remain where you are. For the groom, after spending so much please get your pound of flesh or make her family pay for the expenses. Imagine running away!

LADIES SET STANDARDS FOR YOUR MAN TO FOLLOW AND RESPECT – PART 2!

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The manner a lady talks to her man, will determine how he respects you. If you talk in a manner that insults him, he won’t respect you. In fact, he will treat you like trash. Your man will think that you are an angry, crazy woman and that your family is too. But if you let him know what you think in a nice and humble way, he will know you are one of those girls, sweet, responsible and family oriented. If he is a man who shares your belief in the importance of family, he is going to keep talking to you and listen for more of your standards.

Here are a few examples on how you can let your man know your requirements and standards in a humble manner.

  • If your man shows up late for an appointment or date with you, don’t tell him you can’t stand a man who doesn’t keep up with time, rather let him know how you go out of your busy schedule to keep up to time and how you would make a phone call to let that person know why you can’t keep up to time. Your man will how not to keep you waiting on him.
  • Don’t pick up a fight with your man if he is cheats on you or sleeps with other women. I know this can be hard but try and let him know how honest you would be with him, in letting him know that you feel like seeing other people besides him, so that he can decide if he wants to continue the relationship as it is or date him alone. it helps you to make intelligent, rational decisions about how to deal with the situation if he is interested in seeing other women and how important it is for both of you to discuss your relationship whenever you have a problem.
  • If your man is that type of person who refuses to go to church on Sundays or who is not religious as you are, you don’t need to take it out on him. All you need to do is to let him know how Sundays are the best days of the week for you and that you are a God – fearing, church going woman and how you take your faith seriously. You need to learn how he feels about religion and spirituality.

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Got the picture? Now you have given us what we think is valuable information about the woman we are interested in, but more importantly, you have told us what your standards are in a humble way.

You need to let your man show you what he is made of, to prove that he is worthy of your time. You do not need to tell him what you expect from your man all at once and not giving him the chance to show you what he is willing to do for you. If you tell your man what you expect from him all at once, be sure not to expect more from him except the things you have just told him. Then you will start complaining about your man to your girlfriends about how he has stopped loving you. Instead of telling him what you like, tell him what you do not like and then see how he responds. Let him research and dig and figure out how to get to your sweet spot.

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To let your man know about your requirements for a man and the importance of following those requirements, you must figure out what, exactly your requirements are. These questions can help you determine what your requirements for your dream man are:

  1. What type of man are you looking for? (e.g funny, hardworking, generous, kind).
  2. How do you expect to be pursued? (e.g regular phone calls, text messages, chats, dating).
  3. What level of commitment do you expect? (e.g open relationship, dating exclusively).
  4. What kind of financial security do you expect him to have? (e.g wealthy, earning more than you, you don’t care).
  5. Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented?
  6. Does he have to be religious/spiritual?
  7. Do you mind if he is a divorcee or has kids?
  8. Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan?
  9. What do you expect of his family? Can you get along with his mum? Does he care if you get along with his mum?
  10. What should he be willing to do to woo you? (e.g pursue you, buy you expensive gifts).

HAVE A WONDERFUL LOVE LIFE!

LADIES SET STANDARDS FOR YOUR MEN TO FOLLOW AND RESPECT.

a man who truly respects and adores his lady.

a man who truly respects and adores his lady.

There has been a lot of stories making the rounds of men physically molesting their wives and some killing them. A man has also been murdered by his wife too. Ladies also complain about the negative ways men treat them or cheat them. Men and women need to set standards or boundaries for themselves so that the person they are dating respects them and not take them for granted.

Ladies, you need to have requirements and standards for your dream man in order to make the relationship work for you. We all need a monogamous relationship (some men can afford to have a polygamous relationship). We need a partnership with the opposite sex who want to be a dedicated husband and father or wife and mother. Most women desire their men to be be faithful, God fearing and willing to do what it takes to keep their family together. Women also need men who can treat them like a lady, every time. They want men who can open doors for them, pull out their seats when they are ready to sit at the table, remembering all anniversaries and birthdays and keeping the foul talk to a minimum. These requirements are important to ladies because they determine how they would be treated by their men and they are also important to men because it shows men what they need to do to make sure the women in their lives gets want they need and want.

Men can not accomplish this mission for you without your help. Men can not imagine what it is a woman needs and want because a woman’s needs and wants are different from woman to woman like the winds of change. Men are very simple, logical people. If a man is interested in having a serious relationship with you, they will go out of their way yo live up to your expectations. When you set requirements and standards for your man, you give him a road map on how he needs to conduct himself around you, especially if he is truly interested in having a relationship with you.

But the manner in which you let your man know about your requirements and standards is important because you might say it in a rude manner and he gets upset with you. There are nice ways to let your man know this and I will let you know how in my next write up. Have a lovely weekend people.

DID I MARRY A MAN OR A BOY?!

daughter and mother in laws vying to get the attention of the man in their lives.

daughter and mother in laws vying to get the attention of the man in their lives.

While going home from work some days ago, I overheard one lady talking to her friend in a cab about her worrisome mother-in-law. Although she claimed that her relationship with her husband was great, she was not happy with her husband’s “controlling” mother. She stated that her mother-in-law controls her husband like a little child. She calls on him to do everything. She even lives with us right now. He doesn’t spend time with me or the kids. His mother doesn’t allow him to. I am tired of all this. She even gets involved in the decision making in the house. I am just tired. Why can’t she go back to her house and spend time with her husband? I just wonder if I married a man or a boy? He needs to stand up to his mother!

Sincerely speaking, it is the woman’s fault and not her husband. Yeah! The reason why your husband pays so much attention to his mother than you, his lawfully wedded wife, is that she has set requirements and standards he dare not break and you have not. A real man is happy and eager to live by your rules, as long as he knows what the rules are and he is sure that abiding by those rules will keep the woman he loves happy. If you don’t set these rules, he will follow his mothers rules. She was the first woman to tell him what she would and would not accept. He followed her rules because he loves his mother and still does. These rules include respecting her, loving her unconditionally, protecting and providing for the woman who gave him life. He will relinquish these rules when he meets the woman he will have to spend the rest of his life with. And when you set the rules you must insist that he respects you (if you respect him firstly and equally!), that he puts you and your kids above everybody else after God and that he has to be clear to everyone involved in your lives that they respect your relationship and you.

You must accept that you can not compete with his mother. If he loves his mother and they have a good relationship, you are not going to come into the middle of that. But you can insist that your man act as a man when it comes to you and his mother. Let him know that you can not play second fiddle to his mother. That he must meet to the needs of his wife and kids before he meets to the needs of his mother. His mother may not like it but she will get over it when she realizes that her son is no longer a boy but a man and that he needs to be a provider and protector to his new family. His mother will come around and will also respect you as her son’s wife.

Stay blessed and have a happy married life.

WHY MEN LIKE CHEATING ON THEIR WOMEN.

infidelity is gross!

infidelity is gross!

Men cheat on their women because they want to!  It all boils down to sex. Men do not view sex the same way women do. Women view sexual intercourse as an emotion……..an act of love. That’s understandable, considering the fact that you have to lie back and allow a foreign body to enter your body. You have been taught all your life that you only let that kind of deeply intimate moment happen with someone who really means something to you. Men don’t think that way. It’s very easy for a man to have sex, go home, wash it off with soap and water and act like what he just did never happened. Sex can be a purely physical act for us and love has nothing to do with it.

A man can love his wife, his children, his home and the life that they have all built together and have an incredible physical connection to her and still get some sex from another woman without a second thought about it, because sex with the “other” woman, meant nothing to him. He might have felt good at the moment but his heart is with his wife.

Men love sex. All men love sex. Even priests who have professed celibacy, with their manhood’s are still intact. But when a woman denies her man sex, her man will definitely go out to have “some”. You might be tired from work and expect the man to understand that you are tired and keep off from you, especially when you have to do the cooking, feed the family and do the dishes and he comes honking next to you with his erect penis, asking for “some” and you shuuuu him off. He will try to feel better immediately and he will look for that woman that will give him what he wants, if he can’t get it from you.

Most men will cheat on you if he thinks he can get away with it and do everything to make sure you don’t know that he is cheating on you. The man, who doesn’t really care a damn about you, will make sure you know and dare you in your face. Men are defined by who they are what they do and how much we make and if they haven’t gotten to where they want to be, being committed to a woman is completely out of the question. A man might also be married and committed to a woman and have a family and as long as he isn’t right with God, he will cheat on his wife. Being right with God will establish that moral code that will keep him to his wife. As long as that moral code isn’t there, he will be tempted and he will fall.

A man will cheat on his woman, when he discovers that the spark that brought them together is no longer there. Women change when children come along but I don’t think that is necessary. Even when the kids come you don’t need to stop living your life. If you are always protective of your kids, they will become dependent. You don’t need to take of your kids and forget to buy a roll on or perfume, or new clothes and shoes, or have dinner in a fancy restaurant with your man. You need to spice your relationship every second, every minute, ever hour and every day. I am not just talking about the ladies here. Men do neglect themselves too. When the spark is gone, couples tend to cheat on each other.

If there is a lot of argument in the house too, that spark can disappear also. I know a well to do family man who spends most of his time outside the house because his wife never gives him a breathing space at home. He spends time with the guys and you know when some irresponsible men are together, they tend to be adventurous and they can persuade your man to go “have some fun”!

Lastly and very importantly, men will always cheat on their women because the “other” woman is always willing to cheat with him. Men can cheat because there are so many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them. Some women don’t know that the man they are sleeping with is married but majority of them know.

The greatest mistake a woman will ever do is to confront the “other” woman. The moment you do that, you have lost your self-prestige in the eyes of your man. Do you want to get even with your man? You can simply do this by setting a standard with him. You can either walk out of the relationship or marriage or forgive him and stay in the relationship/marriage and warn him seriously that if it happens again you walk out the door. But you need to set these standards before you enter into the relationship/marriage. When you walk out of the relationship with the kids, he will feel miserable. Some irresponsible men, would hurt you if you do that. Some men will be genuinely miserable and do everything to win you back.

Finally, never fight or confront your man or the “other” woman if you know he cheated on you. Just walk out on him. You have a lot in your life to deal with a man who is unfaithful to you.

DON’T HATE THE PLAYER, HATE THE GAME!

I don’t know why women complain about the men in their lives so much these days. In fact the major conversation among young women these days is about the men in their lives. They want to have all the juicy details of how men treat their friends for gossips sake. They even seek for advice from their friends and this damages their relationship with the men in their lives.

the game

If a woman or girl complains about the man in her life, you are the problem. The way you let the man come unto you determines how he would treat you. Don’t hate the player, hate the game! When a man approaches you, you are the one with total control over the situation. It is you who would decide if you are going to give the man any of the things he wants from you, including sex. Yes! Men are sexually attracted to women as soon as they see them. Where you stand in a man’s eyes is dictated by your control over the situation. Every word you say, every move you make, every signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he should try to play you, be straight with you

Let me show you how you might have met the man of your dream or someone who is just playing with you.

  1. If his conversation with you is not often serious, he doesn’t take you serious but if he seems interested in your needs, life, desires and future, he is serious with you.
  2. If he is willing to abide by your rules and follows them he is serious with you but if he laughs off your requirements and standards, then he is not serious with you.
  3. If he asks for your number and calls you after a week, he isn’t serious with you. If he instead calls you immediately, he is showing that he is genuinely interested in you.
  4. If a man takes you out on a date and pays the bill, he is showing that he is willing to provide for you, which means that he is serious with you. If not, please run!
  5. If he keeps to appointments with you, he takes you serious. If he doesn’t and he doesn’t even call or text you to let you know the reason why he can’t keep up with the appointment, he isn’t serious with you.
  6. If he introduces you to his friends, family, co-workers (very dangerous, because some insincere friends of his would want to make out with you!), or other people, he is serious with you. If he doesn’t introduce you to his people, he isn’t serious with you.
  7. If you invite him to come see your parents and other family members or your friends and he doesn’t waste time in doing so, he is serious with you but if he gives you excuses from time to time why he can’t, please he isn’t serious with you (I have fallen short of this).
  8. If he makes a face when you tell him that you have children, he isn’t serious with you. But if he is willing to meet them and shows up with gifts for your kids and relates with them in a way that makes your children comfortable with him, he is serious with you.
  9. If he is financially okay and is able to provide for his needs, then you can take him serious. If he isn’t maybe you can give him time to pick himself up but if he doesn’t, you know what to do.
  10. If your man is okay with you seeing other men and he sees other women, a situation you two have an “open” relationship, he is not serious with you. If he insists on having an “exclusive” relationship, were the two of you only date each other, he is very serious with you.